Small Steps to Big Love

Exiting the Struggle Bus

Apr 19, 2024

April 19, 2024

Volume 10

I want to write about Love. About how people are more good than bad, how mercy is a stronger instinct than harm, how everything - and therefore everyone - is connected and there is no such thing as ‘false’ hope.

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.”

-Dalai Lama

But I’m struggling…It’s quite enough to manage my own spinning-plates inner world without referencing what’s happening all around me. You see, I’ve convinced myself that without active grief my lost loved one will cease to exist; without my unabated agonizing another loved one won’t physically heal; without my invasive worry yet another will never find a way through the prison-like fog. If only I love hard enough…carefully keep my attention on the uncertain future, fascia taut, breath held…

But there is more.

News from the music world reveals another too familiar story of sexism, violence, misogyny, psychological torture, smear campaign, and the inevitable gaslighty (unbelievable!) responses. This on top of the everyday tedium of peers clownishly grasping for attention - edgy, fresh, so very relevant - but mostly just clamoring for proximity to the slightly famous. Or, ‘leaders’ dressing like a Sci-Fi extra for a photo spread - saucily perched, filthy shoes on the furniture (sorry-not-sorry about your seats, patrons). Worst of all is the amount of appalling singing flowing from the throats of paid professionals who know better, opting for hollering over ping, and (inaudible) artsy for artistic…all in the name of rejecting the ‘old’ and ‘stale’. Competence be damned!

NB: I’m not talking about students here… They are still in the incubator, artistic path unchosen. There is hope for them yet.

Ummm…. So how is this an essay about Love? Right. I could keep this beef going all day, I absolutely could. I’m not going to lie… music industry aside, the reality that a giant chunk of our voting citizenry literally wants to harm the rest of us keeps me up at night and fretting all day. It’s all so distracting. I’m weary and I’m scared and more than a little pissed off. I feel my center wobbling, and I’m certain I’m not the only one.

So, what are we going to do?

Well, what are our options? Attempting to match the bullying, narcissism, and clawing - I think it is safe to say - is no solution. Neither is “We go high”, because that feels like turning a blind eye to the hot-mess-bag-o-rats coming straight at us.

But here’s the thing. On the occasions when I peek out of the (weighted) blankets, I see that we are all tending to our kids, partners, parents. We celebrate and mourn and support. We pursue purpose and find meaning. We garden and cook and sing and read and play. We visit and travel and wave to our neighbors. We look forward to dinner dates and graduations and weddings. We hug and we smile and cry and rage, and we laugh and we laugh and we laugh.

WATCH: (I dare you not to smile!) BABIES GONE WILD! 👶🤣 Best Babies Laughing Video Compilation! | Kyoot 2023

“There is only love; everything else is our resistance to it.”

Terces Engelhart

Sigh. This makes instinctive sense, especially when considering virtually any alternative. Love creates positive emotions, then feelings and thoughts, followed by generous actions. This process heartens, comforts, inspires, fostering preferable states of mind. Equilibrium? Yes, please.

Fear and its cousins hatred, revenge, pettiness, and whatnot, can feel powerful but are of course unsustainable. Sure, fear might enable us to lift a car to save our child, but probably not on a daily basis. And the negativity costs us on a grand scale; our health, our relationships, our equanimity. We become dysregulated - out of control, imbalanced, and weak - the very opposite of powerful.

Does talking about Love make some of us squirm? Do we insist on correlating Love with weakness and passivity? Yeah, probably. It’s so easy to fly off the handle, to convince ourselves that aggression keeps us safe. Vulnerability (yikes!) is so scary. And yet there is no Love without vulnerability. “Danger, Will Robinson!”, our survival instinct cries out aghast, even while craving the warmth, belonging, and the full human experience that only Love can provide.

Love is the universal theme found in all major religions, which serve as a sort of anthropological blueprint, a formal acknowledgment that humans have, after trying all else, concluded our best chance is in fact, Love: the mightiest power of the universe.

OK, so this is calming me a bit. Love as an answer, a choice, is so very elegant and at least theoretically simple. There is much caca in the world, true. We can’t fix everything (perhaps very little), and certainly not all at once. And perpetually hanging out in a gloopy miasma of victimhood is a hard no. Now what?

To the extent that we can, we must take a step. A small step is good. A step away from resistance. Choose something that feels easy. Low-hanging fruit is a legit choice. Here’s one! Read these quotes about Love:

Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.

Mother Teresa

I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.

Vincent van Gogh

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

Oscar Wilde

Kindness in words creates confidence.

Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.

Kindness in giving creates love.

Lao Tzu

Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

What might a next step be? Maybe move from thinking to doing. A kindness, a connection, a gesture. Possibly just gently but firmly redirecting precious attention. Remember, we are artists. Let us BE artists, with all the imagination, creativity, and Love that implies. Love is art, one could argue convincingly. And let’s not forget ourselves when bestowing compassion: we needn’t leap head-first, all trust and openness toward some hate-filled maniac. Small steps still lead somewhere, and with enough of us taking enough of them, we might (we will) soften the noise (inside and out) and find our way to Love. Big Love, in fact.