Chop Wood, Carry Water
The Life We're Already Living
There are things we like to do, and things we have to do. They are not necessarily the same things.
We spend a surprising amount of energy separating life into what counts as living and everything we have to get through first.
Have you ever spent time and energy trying to escape life’s ordinary burdens?
THREE MINUTES
It turns out, the actual tasks usually aren’t what exhausts us. Our resistance is. And so we suffer twice: once from doing the thing, and once from wishing we didn’t have to (Ask me how I know).
Of all the household tasks, for some reason I used to absolutely dread emptying the dishwasher. I would pick out the clean dishes and utensils as needed, as if I were saving time, or getting away with something. Invariably, someone would start putting dirty dishes in the half-empty machine, which turned into a bigger hassle than I started with.
One day I asked my kids to time me, so I could get a sense of just how much of my precious time and energy that particular chore stole from my already over-scheduled day:
Three minutes.
Clearly I had spent far longer than 3 minutes resisting, finding work arounds, and possibly indulging in a bit of whinging. That timed exercise was a revelation to me. The burden of avoidance was worse than the thing itself.
THE TINY CHOICE
Our chores and tasks and daily to-dos do not disappear. They are not living things capable of consciousness or change. We are. Every moment we choose how we relate to our reality: our bodies, our thoughts, our relationships, and everything required to move through a human existence.
Somewhere between “Ugh...I have to unload the dishwasher,” and “The dishwasher needs unloading,” there is a tiny moment of choice. We rarely notice it. But in that small space is where peace is waiting.
We don’t have to add a second layer of struggle. We don’t have to carry the task and our resentment at the same time. We can experience frustration without letting it drive our entire afternoon. In other words, the dishwasher doesn’t change. We do.
Of course, we do not always choose what we have to do, or what happens to us in life, and certainly we do not choose what other people think or do. The power we hold is how to respond to any and all of it.
CHOP AND CARRY
How many of us hold the belief that happiness begins on the other side of the to-do list? When the laundry is done. When taxes are filed. When the kids are grown. When retirement comes.
I am reminded of the old chestnut:
“Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.
After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.”
(Bummer. TBH, I assumed that enlightenment came with a staff.)
But what if the “have tos” and the “want tos” aren’t two different lives?
What if they’re simply...life?
A CARDINAL
Sometimes we become so good at chopping wood that we forget why we wanted a fire. We spend so much time preparing for life that we rarely stop to ask whether we're already in it. Must we keep moving the starting line for our own lives? What if our everyday lives were the actual lives we are seeking in some imagined future?
It is all too easy to put ourselves off, to postpone creativity and connection and delights. When obligations are done, I will paint, or write, or sing, or read, or call a friend, or walk in the woods, or watch the cardinal among the branches, or…or… or…
But everything else is never done.
Work is meant to serve our lives, and not the reverse. Maintaining our lives is not more important than the actual living, and our to-do list is definitely not the destination.
TOMORROW
I sometimes hear people my age complain that younger generations don’t want to work. There may be some truth to that. But I also wonder if they’re just asking questions we forgot to ask.
If all our chopping and carrying leaves us too exhausted or overwhelmed to make music, know our neighbors, raise healthy children, volunteer, create art, or notice a cardinal outside the kitchen window... perhaps questioning the bargain isn’t laziness.
Could it be wisdom?
Tomorrow… dishwashers will be unloaded. Emails will be answered. Loved ones will be tended. The wood will be chopped and the water will be carried, knowing that life isn’t divided into sacred moments and ordinary ones.
It’s all one life.
May you live in ease and kindness, with a free heart.
Barbara Shirvis works with individuals seeking voice work — literally and metaphorically.
• Singing lessons: www.WAVS.info
• Well Coaching: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com
Thank you for the reminder that I'll likely need the rest of my life that the To Do list is never finished and finishing it is NOT the goal. I've been so focused on the "have to's" that I often forget to look for joy along the way. One more step toward getting unstuck! Your writing is impeccable and gives all of us the grace we need. xoxo
Timing the task of emptying the dishwasher was a great idea. It put a number to a job and helped you think about the job in a new way. That's change. Clever.